I really need to start enjoying my life, for whatever it is. I vow to record at least one memory of an event or observation that brought me true happiness each day.
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Today, walking to campus with Ben in the sun made me happy. The happiness was colored with nostalgia and longing, but the memories conjured were good ones. Greeting spring in the botanical gardens with Ben two years ago and taking pictures. Playing in flower petals fallen like autumn leaves from the trees freshman year with Jonathon and Tyler. Walking back to the Sloan Street apartment with Craig after getting Starbucks, then going downstairs and playing Final Fantasy VIII. Playing Trickster.
.
I suffer from the curse of rarely enjoying events while they are happening, and only appreciating them in hindsight. Maybe this is isn't the worst thing-- after all, things only happen briefly, but the memories are with you for a lifetime. So when I'm old, I'll look back and remember living a happy life, even if I was rarely happy during the times I look back on with such affection. Odd, isn't it?
.
I hope that I'll learn to love my life as it happens someday. I always feel so old, like it's too late for me to change the things that are wrong with me. But I'm not even 23! I have to believe things will get better. All my happy times are not behind me!
.
It's ridiculous that I have to even tell myself this, isn't it? Oh, me.
.
Today, walking to campus with Ben in the sun made me happy. The happiness was colored with nostalgia and longing, but the memories conjured were good ones. Greeting spring in the botanical gardens with Ben two years ago and taking pictures. Playing in flower petals fallen like autumn leaves from the trees freshman year with Jonathon and Tyler. Walking back to the Sloan Street apartment with Craig after getting Starbucks, then going downstairs and playing Final Fantasy VIII. Playing Trickster.
.
I suffer from the curse of rarely enjoying events while they are happening, and only appreciating them in hindsight. Maybe this is isn't the worst thing-- after all, things only happen briefly, but the memories are with you for a lifetime. So when I'm old, I'll look back and remember living a happy life, even if I was rarely happy during the times I look back on with such affection. Odd, isn't it?
.
I hope that I'll learn to love my life as it happens someday. I always feel so old, like it's too late for me to change the things that are wrong with me. But I'm not even 23! I have to believe things will get better. All my happy times are not behind me!
.
It's ridiculous that I have to even tell myself this, isn't it? Oh, me.
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